Why I’m ok if my son wants to marry a single mom

I don’t want to come off as if I’m bragging but I was a single mom. 

Before I was a single mom, my perception of single moms was misguided. Honestly, I don’t know how I came up with my ideas on what a single mom was like.  I was a single mom seventeen years ago and I didn’t personally know any single moms. 

I knew that married moms didn’t hang out with single moms. 

When I was a married mom, I thought single moms were a train wreck. 

I felt sorry for them. 

I thought they were all poor. 

I thought they were uneducated.

  I thought they made bad choices that forced them into their circumstance. 

I thought they were quitters.

  I thought single moms were on the hunt for a new man to save them.

I thought they were too needy. 

I didn’t want my kids to play with their kids.

I thought single moms were awful parents.

There was not one single mom in the church I attended, which should speak volumes.

 I literally had no exposure to single moms in which I could build a proper opinion.

Now that you are disgusted with me, let me defend myself just a bit.  I was stupid.  I literally had no idea what I was thinking and I changed my perception the day I separated from my first husband.  Even though I had all those erroneous ideas about single moms, I wouldn’t accept those ideas for myself.  When I believed differently for myself, I believed differently for every other single mom on this earth. 

I was already attending college, which I started when I was twenty-six and my kids were eighteen months old, three and five.  Although it was tough, I made it through one semester at a time and my confidence built up.  When I separated from my husband I kept going to school.  He didn’t think I deserved to continue to attend college, but I had gotten too far to quit and I’m ecstatic that I didn’t.

 I received my bachelor’s degree in business while a single mom.

I worked a full time job while a single mom.

I paid my own bills while a single mom.

I bought my first house while a single mom.

I made friends with other single moms.

I did things alone because I wanted to.

I went places with friends because I could.

I took my kids camping while a single mom.

I took my kids on vacations while a single mom.

I needed help in the beginning but people believed in me and eventually I didn’t need the free membership at the YMCA or the food stamps .  My felt like I was on an escalator going somewhere and at times the escalator was just inching up but it never quit.  I’m remarried now and have an incredible relationship.  He didn’t save me though. I didn’t need saving.  I added a lot of value to my husband’s life and we are growing together and we are both less judgmental. I am having so much fun being married to a man that had no problem with marrying a single mom.  He has accepted my kids as his own and given his heart to our family for over fifteen years.

I learned that single moms are not victims and they have a strength I don’t see in every married mom.  Although some single moms might be afraid, many are fierce warriors.  We were made strong. 

I’m a married mom today with a lot of single mom friends. 

Photo credit: Katie Santana

Photo credit: Katie Santana

Son, if you want to marry a single momma, I’m going to love that girl with all my heart.  I am going to love her children and treat them like family.  I am going to support you in your decision because you were raised by one strong single mom.  I will not belittle her or make her feel like she is less then.  If she is the love of your life, that’s exactly how I will choose to see her.  I will be proud of your choices because I know your perception is based on what you have seen in my life.

I’m ok if my son wants to marry a single mom some day because Single Moms Rock!