Letter to My Wife's Ex-Husband

To my Wife’s Ex-Husband,

Father’s Day is in a few days and it got me thinking.  Your kids made me a father before I had my own children. My family is your family.

I’ve known you as long as I’ve known my wife.  I’ve now been in the life of your kids for more than half of their lives.

 Even though people may think we are crazy, you and I have become friends.

I’ve prayed for you from the start. One of the things that Nicole remembers with clarity is the night that our boys asked if I could be the one to have devotional time and pray with them.   Nicole and I were dating and the boys were warming up to me.  She allowed me to pray with them and have a short devotional.

 As she stood in the doorway, I prayed for you.  Not because she was listening.  I just knew that as a man, we all need prayer.  My heart was for you, for your success in all areas.    I was never out to hurt you.  I didn’t want to take your family away or have you feel like I would ever try to replace you. 

What you may not know is that I went to my pastor to get advice. At a large church, it was amazing that the pastors knew both you and their mom and they were aware of your divorce.  Our family had prayer cover from that time on.  They were so many answered prayers during that time. 

The early years were tough.  We had to learn to work with each other for the sake of our children.  We had to be on the same team even though we didn’t always agree.

Through it all, I never talked bad about you to the kids.  I never allowed them to talk bad about you.  I listened to them and I didn’t judge you because I knew they were probably saying the same things about their mom and me. 

Do you remember the days at the football games, the concerts, and the occasional principal office visits?  We were all there together because I committed to being part of your children’s lives and they became “ours”.  

Divorce and Blended Families are complicated.  Divorce feels like the end when really it often times is the beginning to something new.  There is redemption.  There is healing.  Those things take time. 

Our kids are unique and amazing!  Their gifts and talents are a mixture of who you are and who their mom is. 

What I appreciate about you is that you always showed your kids a lot of love.  Every time they leave our house to go somewhere, they are sure to say “I love you”.  They learned that from you.  They have a huge sense of loyalty towards family and I’m pretty sure you had something to do with that.  You are a loyal man towards your family.  The kids love documentaries and learning about history and I know that you are an avid learner who has taught his kids to love learning as well. 

Many times, I’ve seen you give your last dollar to the kids and would give them the shirt off your back if you were the same size.  (Do you like my joke?)

You, Nicole and I have been our kids’ biggest cheerleaders.  As a team we have raised some great kids.  They are in their twenties now and our job isn’t done.  We’ve just began to see what they are capable of doing.

Happy Father’s Day my friend. 

Brian Hauff